01-09-2018: 12:38am

I’ve wrote a lot of things for you, because of you. I’ve never written this much for someone and that’s how I know how special your existence to me. Truthfully, you are special to me but I’m not sure if it’s because I was lonely, or is it because I misunderstood your treatment towards me.

Since I wrote a lot of things, I somehow keeping a track of me, you and what of us. On May, you went to Melaka to patch things up with your fiancé. When you get back from Melaka, you changed your ws dp, upload stories and of course, upload a picture on your Instagram.

Those things didn’t last long. You come back to me, again. When you were fighting with her, you always come to me. Then her sister’s engagement, the same cycle repeats and now it repeats once again. I don’t know how long you will be like this again. I don’t know how long it takes for you to fight with her and come to me.

Truthfully, I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Not anymore. Keeping me as friend and treating me as one is a good thing. But both of us know that we are not “good friends”. I am just am excuse for you to run to every time you had a fight with her.

Being a goody two shoes, of course I would take you, the good and bad included. I would gladly accept you to be with me. But I don’t think I can be the girl you run to anymore.

I have been wondering all these times. Did I hear you wrong? Do you really love me? Do you really think that you’re feeling is true? Because I don’t see it that way from you. I rather dismissed everything as some kind of blunder, something you said to not offend me.

I wish you never lied, Cui.

Sometimes, kindness hurts. I don’t need no kindness if it only brings pain to me.

Remember what we talked about when I come from Melaka, the day you whisper the I love you thing to me? That day, I told you to think about it and you said you don’t want to because you know how it ends.

But I know how it ends. It ends with me getting hurt because you won’t choose me over someone you have been with for so long. So here I am writing notes after notes, trying to gain strength so I can send all these heavy words to you.

I always, always pray for your happiness Cui.

Today, as always, I end this note with the same wish. 

I hope we never wronged each other.

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update: &it was Aku balik dulu, not I love you and I am so ashamed that I heard them wrong.