twitter instagram
  • Home
  • Potato
  • Excerpt
  • Artsy
  • Photog
  • Life
    • Travel

    • Beauty

    • Food

H E A L I N G

posting uneventful events since 2013


[ This picture kinda look romantic. ]

Bismillah.

A week left before going back to that swirling ride of life in Melaka. Lagi seminggu nak tinggalkan all my love one kat Sandakan. Lagi seminggu nak gear up dan kuatkan hati hidup sendiri, again. So not going to talk about going because I'm tearin' up. 

Hari ini, gua ngedate. Sama bakekang ini. 



Who is this guy btw ? Find put about it here : Mr D.  This bakekang has been in my blog like forever. HahAhA. Record jugaklaa memandangkan aku jarang tulis pasal Awesome sister or Ivan or Along kapla whom I considered as my bestfriends.

Tapi. Hari ini gue ngedate sama ini bakekang. Start from 12 until 6 pm. Going round and round the city and then eat, karaoke-ing, jalan again, ABC-ing, jalan again and then kami lepak dekat so called tembok for like one and half hour talking about things I didn't really recall except the topic 'what makes a guy sexy'

Apapun, talking makes me realize something.


i. Life as a STUDENT.

cerita mudah saja. We were talking about me and my friends at Melaka. So I mention Fana and Kojek, and Haziq which is the closest to me over there. We also talked about their personality and how my life there with them and this topic somehow terkeluar.

of shisha, vape and night life.

Okey, jujur, kami just cerita pasal shisha and he ask me whether a guy who smoke is a turn off for me. Then somehow it escalated to some other things that related. Well, about the factors that turn me off, let just keep it for next story. Apa yang aku nak cerita ialah the difference dalam hidup kami sebagai student.

To make things clearer. Dia student overseas dan aku student inside Malaysia. Orang selalu cakap yang kalau study luar negara banyak pengaruh, mudah terjebak dengan masalah sosial and everything negative. Tapi rasanya bila dengar dan compare cerita kami, aku rasa macam dah terbalik dah. Tak payah keluar dari negara pun boleh je buat benda benda mengarut.

I did hisap vape and shisha. Pernah hisap rokok, for a very short period of time sebab I handle my stress the wrong way. Vape ? Sebab kojek selalu bawa waktu kitorang study for final, I somehow master the way to hisap that thing. Tapi bukan sampai takat addicted. I can handle my addiction well. Dan shisha ? Bila ada orang ajak, ada orang cakap nak spend, aku pun ikutlaa pergi ber-shisha-ing.

Night life ? Takda maknanya. Okey, I was always out during weekends, staying up all night and everything. Tapi TAK PERNAH lagi aku jejak tempat maksiat like Pub or Kelab Malam. The only tempat maksiat yang aku pernah pergi tengah malam was Pantai Klebang. Sebab konon nak tengok sangat how the pantai look like bila malam. Puii, nyesal gue datang, bukan sahja takde hapa, hanya kapel tak senonoh tengah bercengkerama.

Pengalaman yang choi.

Kalau kolam air panas tuh kira tempat maksiat ke? Tapi aku g sana reramai. Jam 2 pagi. Kitorang balik dalam pukul 4 pagi then makan kat mamak. Hhaha. Oke yang itu best sebab rendam dalam air panas tuh, balik je rumah Fana I was like so tired, tido tak ingat dunia bhai.

so that was me during Tahun 1 as an uni student. Dan dia ?

He said he didnt touch it. Even his housemate was doing weed, he's just like whatever. Tak penah touch shisha and vape pun. Even rokok. Good boy kan this bitch ? Compare to me, hahaha.


ii Perbandingan

Okey. ONE thing yang aku rasa both of us did is COMPARING.

This bitch always fuckin comparing everything in Sandakan and in German. So do I. I always compared everything in Sandakan and with the things I saw in Semenanjung.

For example, WEATHER. D always say that 'Malaysia so hot, i kenot'. He actually says that every time we went out together. like srsly of course Malaysia is fuckin hot. We have tropical climate ! For me I will be comparing how HOT Melaka is compared to Sandakan. Trust me, my sweat glands seems to be overworked when I walk around Melaka during the day.

Also, comparing things. I had to compare things here. THE PRICE is my main issue. A skirt that only cost me 25 in semenanjung, cost me 45 here in Sandakan. I do know about the modal, kos pengangkutan and all. I learnt it. Tapi bila harga tuh memamng jauh beza, makes me think that I really need to do some shopping in semenanjung before going back to Sandakan.


I guess those two are the most and my main highlight for today. We talked about a lot of things, including #TakMoveOn cases. He's my bitch so I can spill almost everything to him.

*bitch - means abang merangkap kawan baik merangkap kawan menghina. #SisCuba


Thats all for tonight. Anyway, Happy Independence Day Tanah Melayu.

//Alia

11:03 PM No comments
Bismillah. 

Harini nak bagi pengisian sikit.


"عن عبدالله بن عمر رضى الله عنهما قال أخذ رسول الله صلى عليه وسلم
 بمنكبي فقال كن في الدنيا كانك غريب أو عابر سبيل وكان ابن عمر يقول اذا أمسيت فلا تنتطر الصباح واذا أصحبت فلا تنتظر المساء وخذ من صحتك لمرضك ومن حياتك لموتك – رواه البخاري"


Maksunya:

Daripada Abdullah bin Umar ra katanya: Rasulullah SAW memegang bahuku seraya bersabda: jadilah di atas dunia ini sebagai seorang perantau: Ibn Umar berkata: Apabila kamu berada pada waktu petang, janganlah tunggu menjelangnya waktu pagi. Apabila kamu berada pada waktu pagi, janganlah tunggu menjelangnya waktu petang. Gunakan peluang untuk beramal semasa kamu sihat untuk persediaan ketika kamu sakit dan semasa kamu hidup untuk persediaan matimu.


===================================================

“Life is a transient shade”

Maksud ?

- Hidup ini hanya satu persinggahan sebelum kembali kepada Allah. Tuhan yang Maha Esa.

Hhaa. Mana kau tau pasal ni.

- Hadis waktu Form 5. Nak periksa, kenalaa hafal.

Kenapa tetiba ingat ?

- Sebab aku rasa sangat berdosa sekarang. Rasa kotor sangat. Dan aku rasa aku akan mati dalam      keadan berdosa. Mungkin aku akan masuk neraka.

Hmm.  Bukan semua tuh bergantung kepada diri sendiri ke? Kalau kau rasa berdosa, why don’t kau start bertaubat. Maybe start with something simple. Like solat?

- Solat? Hmm. Macam mana nak solat? Aku dah tak ingat.

Jom pergi kedai buku.

- Buat apa pegi kedai buku ?

kata nak taubat. Jomlaa kita pegi MPH ke, Popular ke.

- Bukan nak taubat kena g masjid ke?

Haaha, ehem. Jom pergi kedai buku. Beli buku panduan solat. Lepas tu kita pergi masjid.

 - haa. Jom



[ Sebab Allah Maha Penyayang lagi Maha Mengasihani. Maha Pengampun. Selagi pintu taubat masih lagi dibuka, Allah akan menerima taubat orang yang berdosa. ]


Dua Ribu Lima Belas


//A L  I A 



12:38 AM No comments
Bismillah.

i.

Dah lama tak membebel. Sibuk sekejap dengan Raya, teaching (YASS I'm teaching) dan post-Along situation. Harini setelah lamanya Zarif Asyraf liked my picture in instagram. No idf know who he is but he is a reader who is very good in taking picture. I really like his instagram account. Lots and lots of good inspiring quote he picked up from his reading. I just finished scrolling down and liked all his past posts.

He got a blog too, which I oftenly stalk because he's such a good writer.

Zarif Asyraf

Kalau minat pembacaan yang berunsur islamik with beautiful poem. Do visit his blog.

Haha. Okay stop promote him.




ii.

I cried. 

Longer than any of those crying moments I had during this 3 months free from this anxiety. Setelah lama aku tak masuk dalam tandas, hidupkan shower dan nangis. Dah lama tak duduk diam diam di bawah pancuran air dan biar air mata turun macam air terjun. Dah lama. Rasanya dah tiga bulan. Menangis memang ada. Tapi bila cakap pasal 'nangis-time-shower', last time I did that was 3 months ago. Lepas balik daripada Debat Diraja. 

My mom was the trigger but the real reason is not her. That much I realize. We had a fight. She told me to fold the laundry but I was so stressed out, I went to bed. She turned into hulk and scattered all the clothes on the floor and was really pissed off. I was quiet in shock since she woke me up by hitting, more like spanking my feet and damn I really pissed off myself. I post some mean tweet about her, but I don't really mean it. When I went into the toilet, I was already crying. Just a little bit tho.

I thought it was because of my mom and what she just did. But at the middle of it, I just blurted out the real reason why I was crying my hearts (and eyes) out. 

'Along I miss you.'

Ha.Ha. Yes fucking yes. I miss him so much my eyes started acting up again. A little tears has started forming. So basically, I'm in Post-Along Situation. Its been few weeks since I last contacted him through LINE. We always talk using LINE because of the emoji and all those cute stuff. I said something I wish I shouldn't but I'm glad I told him that.

iii.

We had usual chat, texting and sending cute emoji to each other when I decided to test him by dropping something my brother said. Well, I told my brother that Along tak pernah nak buat pengorbanan untuk our so called relationship ni. Waktu aku dah dekat Tawau, he only have to take bus dan cakap lets meet up dekat bandar Tawau or something. Tapi tak. Dia just harapkan aku pergi Semporna. Yes, I can and so does my brother. Tapi EGO aku cakap, don't. Sebab aku rasa macama ku terhegeh hegeh pulak kat dia. So aku cakap kat Along yang abang aku suruh aku putuskan segala hubungan dengan dia. As in dont chat with him again. 

CLARIFICATION: Along is not my official couple/kekasih. He's my ex whom I still love dearly.
[ We had that friendly flirting relationship. He said he will never promised me anything ever again because of our past break-up. He said that we will never know what will happen and how our life will turned ou to be. So lets be friends.]

Dan dia tak pernah balas LINE aku sejak itu. 

iv. PENGORBANAN

Dan seperti biasa, my mind dah clear sikit bila dah tulis something. Dan baru aku ingat, aku yang tak PERNAH nak buat pengorbanan dalam our so-called-relationship. He gave me his hearts and I broke it once, and I'm doing it again. He send out presents during my birthday. He gives me book that I wanted, He understand me more that I understand myself. God, for the 21 years old me who never love other man other than him, he's a great existence to my heart. 

Jujur, I regreted that I listen to my EGO and decided to went back home without jumpa dia cause I really miss him. 

Jujur, I just tested him. In hope that he will ask me why. Tapi bila dia biar aku pergi, aku rasa separuh hati aku nak marah kat dia sebab lepaskan tangan aku. Dan separuh hati aku lagi cakap, this is the best for us supaya dia dan aku dah boleh move on.

Jujur, setiap kali bunyi LINE messages masuk. Aku akan gabra nak mampus dan cepat2 buka henpin dengan perasaan takut dan gembira. Manatau Along tetiba LINE. Tapi bila benda lain yang masuk, dan bukan LINE dari dia, rasa nak hempas henpon. biar pecah, macam hati aku sekarang.

jujur, aku tak pernah move on dari break up kami tahun 2011. Yes, memang aku yang minta kami break- sebab EGO was and still doing the talking. Dan sekarang its getting harder to move on. Buku yang dia bagi, aku sentiasa bawa g Travel. Tudung yang dia bagi, aku simpan bagus, taknak pakai sebab aku sayang sangat. 

dan jujur, aku sebenarnya nak duduk depan dia. talk to him about 'us' dan biar hati aku tenang dan aman. 

v.

Terima kasih untuk lagu lagu yang Along kirim. 
                - Dahsyat (MOJO)

Terima kasih untuk buku.
                - The Fault in Our Stars

Terima kasih untuk segalanya.


vi.

Maybe,
when I can forget this hurtful feelings
I can look back
To our memories
And smile
At the look of our love back then

Thank you for loving me
I will never forget you


Damn moving on is fucking hard.

- Alia





8:50 PM No comments
Newer Posts
Older Posts

About me

About Me


A potato.
Posting uneventful life events since 2013.
Traveler.
writing, drawing and photography is my passion but I suck at it so I just write, draw and took pictures that look like shit

Labels

Artsy Beauty Books Excerpt Food Japan Photography Travel anime family instagram poem

recent posts

Blog Archive

  • ►  2021 (4)
    • ►  September (1)
    • ►  August (1)
    • ►  June (2)
  • ►  2020 (4)
    • ►  May (1)
    • ►  March (1)
    • ►  February (1)
    • ►  January (1)
  • ►  2019 (11)
    • ►  November (2)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  September (2)
    • ►  July (4)
    • ►  April (2)
  • ►  2018 (28)
    • ►  November (4)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  September (3)
    • ►  August (2)
    • ►  July (2)
    • ►  June (1)
    • ►  May (2)
    • ►  April (3)
    • ►  March (5)
    • ►  February (5)
  • ►  2017 (6)
    • ►  December (3)
    • ►  November (1)
    • ►  August (1)
    • ►  July (1)
  • ►  2016 (5)
    • ►  December (1)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  July (3)
  • ▼  2015 (13)
    • ►  November (2)
    • ▼  August (3)
      • Hari ini gue Ngedate
      • Topik 1 : Hidup
      • Post-Along Situation
    • ►  July (4)
    • ►  June (3)
    • ►  January (1)
  • ►  2014 (30)
    • ►  November (1)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  September (3)
    • ►  August (7)
    • ►  July (2)
    • ►  June (1)
    • ►  May (2)
    • ►  April (1)
    • ►  March (4)
    • ►  February (2)
    • ►  January (6)
  • ►  2013 (25)
    • ►  December (8)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  September (1)
    • ►  August (2)
    • ►  July (3)
    • ►  June (2)
    • ►  May (2)
    • ►  April (3)
    • ►  March (3)

Created with by ThemeXpose | Distributed By Gooyaabi Templates