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H E A L I N G

posting uneventful events since 2013


when I think I fall for him. I wrote this so I can be firm with myself.


Masjid Putra, Putrajaya

" For the first time, I want someone to fall for the imperfect me.

The one who get scared easily.
The one who have a bad anxiety problem
The one who are reckless but always overthinking everything she did
The one who can’t sleep when there’s thunderstorms
The one who always broke down and cry everytime she’s overwhelmed
The one who do all those uncool thing
The one who always get into trouble
The one who is me everyday
Without no mask, no facade
Just me being me

Just once.
I wanna lay bare naked stripped from all those perfect illusions that I fed to people
I want him to love me despite my extra fat, dramatic quicks pale faces and disgusting habits
I want him to be able to love me despite misunderstanding
To love me
Just me
I want him to accept me as a whole
To be able to love me the way I love him
Loving each other imperfections

I want someone that won’t treat me like I’m second in his life
I am and always his first
Not an option
Not a spare
Not just someone he can leave behind when he’s done

I don’t want a flirtatious relationship
I want a real relationship
where I have someone I can rely to
Someone who can still accept me
Tolerate me love me feed me
even when things went horribly wrong

We will fight, we will hurt each other
We will face challenges and we may cry
but I will love you
My special someone

Now if only I can find him, then it’d be perfect "



9:03 AM No comments
// to my dearest Farhana

I wonder if somewhere in your heart, you never meant any of what you’ve did.

I wonder if on that point of our life, where our world start to devoid from each other timeline,
I wonder if you ever feel lonely.

I wonder if you pushed me away because you want me to pull you closer

I’m not a good friend
I’m not perfect

I might hate you sometimes but I always trust you and the fact that we are good friends,
were.
9:15 AM No comments
my current skin care products and make up, 1st April 2018

My ultimate skin care routine for 5 months from November 2017 until March 2018. I (had to) start a new routine called "Less is Better" (April 2018). The main reason why I start a new routine is because my never-get-acne face grows acne like every day and those acne leaves scars! Before I started any skin care routine, I never get scar from acne. If I did, it will fade like in few weeks. I definitely will compile pictures from the routines I’ve been religiously followed to show the difference.

I knew the existence of The 10 Step Korean Skin Care Routine in November 2017, when I was in deep slump. I spent endless day watching Korean Drama, until midnight and sometimes spent full day watching drama. Note that November was the month where I was supposed to finish my FYP but hell to that. So what exactly had happened?

I fall in love with the clear skin of the actors and actress that I got the urge to have such smooth skin like them. HAHAHA I know it’s lame but what can I do? I was too emotional.

So moving on, I read and watch tutorials and product suggestions about the skin care routine and when I actually went to drugstore to buy the products I WAS SHOKETH because it was expensive! IT’S DAMN EXPENSIVE TO BE BEAUTIFUL! Nevertheless, I was really keen into the skincare so I bought the products anyway.

Since it was expensive, I had to follow the skin care routine slowly. I had no income so I had had to save money to buy the skin care products. So I was not doing the skin care routine for 5 months, I introduced new products slowly because well, I’m broke.


Routine before Korean Skin Care 

1. Face Wash 

2  Hawa Beauty Acidic Water 

3. Clean & Clear Toner 

4. Norain Vitamin C Serum 

5. Olay Cream (Day) / Krim Malam Shurah (Night) 

So, how does my skin looks like? You can check the compilation which I uploaded here


On November, I introduced three products to my routine. 


NUTOX Moisture Emulsion SPF 25PA++

NUTOX Moisturising Lotion 
Banana Boat Sunblock



It was perfect because my face looks like it radiate a bit and didn't look so dry. I continue using these 3 products and blend it into my routine. I ditched my Olay face cream because I am such stupid bitch. Because I arrogantly thought that since I'm wearing sunscreen, I was okay already. I ran out of Norain Vitamin C serum and I didn't bought another one because I'm broke okay?



November 2017 - January 2018 Routine

1. Face Wash

2. Hawa Beauty Acidic Water

3. Clean & Clear Toner

4. NUTOX Moisturizing Lotion

5. NUTOX Moisture Emulsion SPF 25PA++

6. Banana Boat Sunscreen

7. Krim Malam Shurah (Night)

After 3 months of doing the routine, did my face glows? or does it become healthier? What I can say is, my face did got the glow and become smoother. The usual burn I got whenever I'm under the sun reduced significantly with the introduction of sunscreen into my routine. It was heaven. I saw improvement and I love it. I believed that if I complete the routine, I WILL DEFINITELY achieve my dream skin. Oh hell I was wrong. But we didn't reach that part yet. 

Before I started my internship, I went to Melaka to meet up and spent some time with Maryam, wrote about it just look for it in the archive. What I didn't mention was we were on shopping spree because on that day, Guardian was doing its famous Beauty Sale so we went and buy some skin care.

On February, I introduced these few products into my routine. Notice that my routine becomes looonnnggeeerrr.

Garnier Micellar Water Makeup Remover
Sunblock Biore UV Kuning (Yellow) SPF 50+ 
Palmers Formula Skin Therapy Oil with Vitamin E Rosehip, Cocoa Butter
Nano White's Skin Renewing Aqua Gel*
Pelembab Muka Sari Gamat & Habbatus Sauda SAFI
The Face Shop Sheet Mask*



How can I describe the additional products? It was disaster, not the product but myself. First, I did it the wrong way. I introduced all these product to my skin and my skin doesn't really welcome the new introduction. Its not getting worse, but its also doesn't get better by day. Secondly, I applied few products wrong! Micellar water should be used before face wash but I applied before I'm applying toner. Oil should be used after moisturizer since oil will create a barrier for another products to be absorbed by the skin. Regardless the shame, here is my routine:

February - March 2018 (1)

1. Face Wash



2. Hawa Beauty Acidic Water


3. Clean & Clear Toner

4. Micellar Water

5. NUTOX Moisturizing Lotion

6. NUTOX Moisture Emulsion SPF 25PA++

7. Safi Moisturizer

8. Biore Sunscreen (Daytime only)

9. Oil Roseship (Night only, applied after emulsion)

No more night cream because I'm broke. I started my internship and I was in disarray in earlier month because I cannot control my spending. This routine is where I start having acnes that leaves scars. Notice that there's products with (*), that was products that I didn't apply everyday.

If you noticed, there's (1) behind the routine above because guess what? I introduced some more stuff in between, I can recall when I buy all the products but let just compile it into routine (2). 

These are the products that were introduced on March.

Body Shops's Drops Of Light Pure Healthy Brightening Serum
L'Oreal Paris Revitalift Centella Micro-Essence Water 
St Ives Green Tea Scrub*
Freeman's Avocado and Oatmeal Clay Mask*
Nutox Oil Cleanser
Lost and Found (LaF) Tea Tree BHA Pore Blur Sleeping Pack 





February - March 2018 (2)

1. Oil Cleanser

2. Face Wash

3. Hawa Beauty Acidic Water

4. Clean & Clear Toner

5. L'Oreal Essence Water

6. Drop of Light Serum 

7. NUTOX Moisturizing Lotion

8. NUTOX Moisture Emulsion SPF 25PA++

9. Safi Moisturizer

10. Biore Sunscreen (Daytime only)

11. Sleeping Pack (Nightime only)

If you notice, I've omitted some products out from the list like micellar water and roseship oul because then I was convince that these two product cause my acne (I was right about micellar water!) After few weeks doing this routine, acne doesn't really come everywhere, it less compared to routine (1).

There you go. This will conclude my post and you can read the next one when I finish writing about it!
2:00 PM No comments
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About Me


A potato.
Posting uneventful life events since 2013.
Traveler.
writing, drawing and photography is my passion but I suck at it so I just write, draw and took pictures that look like shit

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