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H E A L I N G

posting uneventful events since 2013

Salam.

Percaya atau tak, aku memang ada weight complex.




oh mak aii, teda pendahuluan terus mengaku. Lol.

Hey uolls, etchingg, macam minta puji pula aku hari ni.

Apa itu weight complex ? Secara kasarnya, orang yang ada weight complex neh adalah orang terlalu risau akan berat badannya. Bukan yang jenis yang oh-no-berat-aku-dah-naik, tetapi yang jenis oh-no-berat-aku-naik-semua-baju-pun-aku-tak-muat-aku-kena-diet-oh-my-god-aku-obese kinda person, bila berat dia naik, dia panic, naik 0.001 kg pun akan buat dia RISAU macam naik meroyan dan dia akan cuba pelbagai method tuk turunkan balik dia punya berat tuh.

*benda  merapu kat atas tuh definition sendiri oke ? Bukan saintifik ataupun FAKTA yang asli. Yang ni, aku sum up sendiri melalui pembacaaann

[ sometimes bila orang cakap kat aku 
- eh, gemuknya sudah kau Lia. Apa kau makan ni ? Jangan kau jadi macam kakak muh aa  - 
terus aku buat mental dialogue macam dalam ecards di atas tuh ]

Dulu waktu sekolah, memang sangat teruk aku punya weight complex tuh. Sebab orang sekeliling dok cakap aku gendut je bila ak mula kuat makan. So, yeah, appereance to me is DAMN important. Kena lagi kawan semua yang slim, memang aku terasa rendah diri laaa. Lepas tuh pipi aku jadi gendut so memang sangat sangat risau kalau berat aku naik sebab appearance aku akan berubah secara drastic. Ya Allah, dramatic giler ayat aku.

Pastu ada mamat neh yang buat aku sakit hati sangat sebab dia selalu cakap

‘eh, gemuk pulak sudah kau’

Dan aku pun menyumpah nyumpah dia kat dalam hati. Ek leh, kalau minat tuh bagitau jelaa, takyah nak tarik perhatian aku asyik cakap aku gendut je bila berjumpa atau tersatu kelas. Malas aku nak layan. Alamak, ini kes perasan sendiri daa nei. LOL.


Tapi oleh kerana komen komen dia dan orang orang yang sewaktu dengan dia tuhlaa aku jadi risau sampai hari hari asyik Tanya mak aku samada aku gemuk kah idak. Memang torture sangat waktu tuh sebab nak pkai baju pun takut. Takut terlihat kegemukan aku. Sekali ukur babat a.k.a lemak kat perut tuh, takda pulak lemak kat perut. Maklumlaa, penuh muscle sebab kuat training taekwondo.

Tapi, jangan salah sangka pulak, biarpun aku ada weight complex, aku takda laa sampai anorexia, okeh, mungkin laa ada sikit tendacy to hunger myself, but tak serius. Betul. Aku skip dinner je dulu waktu tinggal asrama. Makan tengah hari, sarapan, dan juga waktu rehat aku memang makan.

 Bulimia ? Yang ini aku tak pernah cuba. Bulimia ni makan macam orang gila then dia korek tekak dia sendiri tuk muntah balik semua  yang di makan. Jadi dia akan sentiasa kurus. Tapi orang bulimia ini kesian sebab gigi dorang cepat decay sebab acid dari perut corrode gigi kita. Kalau anorexia pulak memang “rempingggg “ semacam sebab dorang ni sanggup berlapar sebab nak cantik. Sekali tuh kurus, kurus macam tengkorak pun ada.

Dan sebenarnya, banyak je model kat luar sana yang anorexia. Sebab dorang MESTI KURUS, yelaa, kalau tukang design baju tuh buat size ala-ala pinggang Barbie, model dia pinggang ala-ala size Fiona, bini Shrek tuh, tak ke takda kerja c Cik Model.

Macam aku cakap, aku takda serius problem biarpun ada weight complex. Waktu sekolah tuh, orang asyik tegur, jadi aku alert juga dengan berat aku. Almaklum laa, bila tinggi kau 5 ft 5.7 inches dan a heavy built, memang appearance mesti di jaga sebab orang suka mistakenly call me gendut. Dan term gendut dalam otak aku ialah OBESE !

Kenapa tetiba cerita pasal weight complex neh ? Uh, mainly sebab tadi ada budak, err, junior laa kiranya, tegur aku. Dia cakap, aku main besar ~ dulu dia tengok aku kecik setja.

Terlopong seketika di situ. >0<

Bila masa aku kecik ni. Kalau kurus iyala, pernah, sekarang ni bukan sudah dalam kategori kurus.
Dalam kategori apa pun aku tak tahu. Rasanya bergantung kepada jenis baju yang aku pakai kot. Kalau baju tuh warna dia ngam je kat aku, Nampak kurus laa tuh. Kalau tak, mcam hari ni, aku dicakap BESAQ. Waktu junior aku cakap macam tuh, terus dalam kepala hotak aku ni, esok nak start DIET.

DIET = TAK MAKAN.

Oke, cara paling pantas nak turunkan berat badan ialahh skip  meal. Aku rasa aku nak skip Dinner. Sebab paling senang nak skip ialah Dinner, kalau lunch payah nak elak. Badan aku memerlukan tenaga yang banyak bila kerja sebab kena handle Boss aku neh pakai otak, takleh main terjah je. Sebab aku kena betul betul pandai asingkan yang mana dia suka/oke je dan yang mana tak. Which mean, kerja aku BERDOUBLE. Tapi aku suka je sebab aku suka tengok personality orang then buat conclusion. Hheh.

Aku start bawa bekal sebab nak simpan duit beli Tab hujung bulan nii. Yay ~

Lagipun sekarang neh, suhu di Sandakan ialah 23 degree Celcius, lagi sejuk dari aku yang kat dalam opis pakai AC dangan suhu 28 degree celcius. Jadi Lunch tuh sangat penting.


Alahai, merepek sudah aku ni. Dari cerita complexion, pergi cerita cuaca. Sah, boring nak mampus dah aku sekarang neh.

Heh, again, jam dah menunjukkan waktu pulang (yayyyyy ~) kepala aku macam nak pecah tadi sebab tekanan nak pilih course apa kat UPU tuh, sudahnya aku tak isi lagi. Malai den nak memikir. 

Apapun, to kamu yang berada di luar sana, yang terjumpa belogg ini, yang terbaca ataupun simply peminat aku  yang selalu jenguk belogg kusam ini,

 THIS IS FOR YOU, whoever and where ever you are right now :)



Jya naa ~

' I'm living the live I'm worth living :) -
5:11 PM No comments
Salam.

Ha, hari ini baru dapat feels nak tulis pasal Mr D a.k.a Mr DEDY yang kini rasanya dah selamat kat Frankfurt. Belum ada apapa berita lagi pasal dia. Last berita pun yang waktu aku call dia nak masuk kapal terbang dah.

Ingat nak cerita panjang lebar pasal budak genius ni, tapi malas laa aku nak bagi dia popular. Pfft.

Dia kawan aku yang paling special. Yes, I love him. Its sisterly love. No harm. Plus, aku suka cakap sama dia sebab dia antara budak lelaki yang open minded dan boleh terima perangai aku yang agak kasar? Haha, whatever.

Tadi dengar lagu Rascal Flats, memang best giler lagu th sampai aku ada mood nak tulis pasal budak neh.

Kenal dia waktu Form 2, sebab dia kawan kepada C Jusma, pastu satu kelas time Form 4 and Form 5. Waktu Form 5 dekat SPM, aku memang melekat dengan dia macam SUPER GLUE ! Sebab dia pandai jadi banyak aku belajo dengan dia. Well, dia sangat PANDAI dalam matapelajaran SPM tuh, kecuali Ekonomi, sebab dia tak ambik ekonomi. Nasib baik juga dia duduk belakang aku waktu sekolah jadi terus pusing je pergi belakang kalau ada menatang aku tak tahu.

See ? Dia sangat reliable kalau pasal akedemik neh. Okay, a.k.e.d.e.m.i.k !

Kalau pasal life, aku rasa dia agak tak pandai di situ, terutama mengenai kesensitivitan wanita. Kahkah. Tapai, aku rasa dia kan belajar lebih lagi mengenai hidup ni memandangkan dia akan mula hidup di negara orang. Sebab aku cakap dia ni lack sensitivity sebab Kes Aya itu, yang ni aku tak janji nak cerita sebab menatang ni SANGAT SENSITIF . Maloi den nak cerita.

Hari tuh, ada teman dia beli baju sejuk. Dekat Parkwell dengan adik dia yang sangat COMEL macam aku yang super COMEL ini. Haha, it was sangat best, Dy. Dan rasanya ini kali kedua kami jalan jalan cari baju. First time tuh waktu dia cari kemeja nak pergi ambik anugerah pelajar cemerlang Sabah. Kahkah. It was PINK ! lol, you so gay. Gonna miss you big time bro.

Ingat nak buat lover leter macam yang aku buat tuk c Dang, but too much feels right now. Kena lagi tadi aku tertengok sekolah aku tuh. Terus emosi. Dan aku jumpa gambar ini, makin emosi sebab aku terpikir perasaan C Dedy when everyone has someone to send them off but not him. Sebab semua kat Sandakan. By the way Dy, you look extremely AWESOME wearing suits.


Desperately trying to look for him among the crowd and fail.Oii, banyak tuh, aku tak tahu dia mana satu ! Dedy, where are you ?


Manaa satu c Dedy neh ? AHAH ~

Hey Dy, there's not much I wanted to say but this song sum it all for me. Do listen, err, find it on youtube. I'm not going to put the link here.

I wish - Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big


More than anything I wish you always be well and jumpa nanti di Summer 2015.

Last memories dengan dia. Oii bakekang, bagusbagus di negara orang kay, take alot of selfie and SEND it to me ! I know you are camwhore so dont forget that !

 

Why on earth are we so damn cute !? Wait, its the 360 camera. Hahah.

Au revoir bakekang !

12:59 AM 2 comments
Salam

Just like the title suggested. The festive season is here ! but just for me.

Remember when its was Christmas ? All over the world, the only sounds we heard is something like jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way ~ The same thing for me to this time of year for me but the song is a bit different. It was sickle bell, sickle bell, sickle all the way ~ 

Alhamdulillah, sakit tuh kan penyembuh dosa kecil, jadi seharusnya bersyukur Allah beri sedikit kesakitan daripada tersiksa dengan penuh azabnya later in hell.Dari tadi, kerja aku tak siap sebab asyik bersin. Parka yang aku pakai tadi pagi pun aku macam tak nak buka ! Boss aku early lunch hari ni, jadi aku sekarang tengah " berselimut" dengan parka aku sebab biarpun suhu dah letak 28 degree, aku rasa sendi aku neh dah frozen. 



Having Selesema, sakit tekak plus a very-sexy-tempting-hoarse voice, my day is just getting better. Hari ini kena buat banyak follow up pulak tuh. Dan hari agak down sikit sebab semalam Dedy  dah selamat terbang ke Jerman, dan nasib baik aku dapat kol dia last minit. Dia ada call jam 10 tapi since aku tengah galak menghabiskan suara aku kat Whimsey Karaoke tuh, takdenya aku boleh dengar dia call. Well, see you in Summer 2015 Dedy !

Gosh, dah start berterabur laa ! Sedih gila weii, nasib baik aku tengah tahan tahan aku punya hingus dari overflow, kalau tak, mesti dah leleh neh. Kahkah. Ingat nak buat post tuk dia, tapi nanti laa, aku tengah sedih neh, nanti post pun emosi semacam pulokk. Dan rasanya my upcoming post will be abaout STPM kot sebab aku rasa patut ada jugak informasi berguna aku tulis kat belogg kuh yang hina ini. 

Lagi satu, pasal The Guilt Accident tuh, aku rasa aku dah okay. Hari tuh ada aku minta maaf sama c Aty kat FB, sebab sangat sangat rasa bersalah. Alhamdulillah, sekarang neh dah tak berapa rasa bersalah laa sangat. Regrets ? Ada jugaklaa, sebab kira macam tak best kerja sendiri sendiri di dunia yang penuh asing neh. Tapi sampai bila kami boleh bersama kan ? Maksud aku, nak buat semua benda pun nak bersama sama. We old enough to get married so lebih baik aku slowly moving on alone without them sebelum nanti tak nak berenggang. Cah, macam matang habis pulokk. Well, bak kata orang sama aku, 

" Kau neh matang sangat laa."
Suka hati aku laa.Pfft. 

Anyway, daripada aku rambling and babbling benda yang tak akan pernah habis neh, aku akan cuba untuk berdedikasi kepada pekerjaan aku ini. Say TAK NAK kepada curi tulang. 

Pfft. See you later.


- to be inspired is great, to inspired is an honour -



11:23 AM No comments
Salam and Good Day to whoever yang baca post aku neh.

Dah masuk hari ke sembilan di bulan Januari kan? Kalau tak silap, Dedy fly pergi Jerman hari ni. Tetiba syahdu pulakk aku disini. Dan beberapa hari yang lepas, aku terjumpa satu belogg neh, memang best giler sebab penulis dia lelaki, dan sekarang tinggal kat Jerman.Korang berminat nak tahu macam mana kehidupan di Duestchland ? Pergilaa baca sendiri !

 Leben In Deustchland

Okay, sebenarnya nak story pasal Dedy, tapi aku tengah curik tulang neh. Kehkeh, Dah lama tak buat macam neh, actually I'm going for the thrill. Kahkah. BUT, I'm not going to talk about him NOW, nanti bisuk laa kot, sebab semua gambar ada kat lappy di rumah, takda kat PC di opis neh.


No caption needed because its random.


My life so far so busy (laa sangat) *mata ke atas, tangan di bahu*

Okay, kerja kat opis sibuk sebab double job tapi aku okay je sebab kalau laa sibuk sangat takdenya aku boleh tulis belogg kan ? Wakaka.

I'm a bad girl and I know it. LOL -0-

Anyway, sekarang biasiswa dah start buka dan aku pun dengan rasa berat hatinya pergilaa tengok tengok website yang amatlaa banyak tuh mengenai biasiswa tetapi aku tahu jugak yang tiada biasiswa yang aku boleh pohon memandangkan kelayakan MINIMUM kebanyakkan biasiswa tuh adalah 3A yang aku takda. Pfft. Tapi aku tengok jelaa, manatau ada sangkut, ada jugak aku tengok biasiswa yang bagi tawaran setelah berada di U satu atau dua semester. Tapi dia punya requirement pun boleh tahan ye anak anak.

Dan azam aku nak start/mula belajar French. Kahkah, tapi malam malam aku ngadap lappy dan baca manga kat manga aggregator site. Kurang determination laa. Dan sekarang lagi neh musim mood swing because The Niagra Falls Syndrome, memang malas nak touch buku French tuh. Tapi ada jugak laa ak praktis how to pronounce the bunyi bunyi :) 

Just wish me luck in learning French.

Ak sambung lain kali aja yaa. aduh, sejak bapak managernya ini orang indonesia, hari hari sih mau cakap indonesia, haha, but its really fun.

kBAI. 

Sampai jumpa lagi.




4:16 PM No comments
Salam.

Alhamdulillah, cuaca sini sangat daebakk ! HUJAN weii ~ My favourite weather like forever ! Well, sunny day is cute but rainy day is awesome !

Sebenarnya baru balik dari belanja dengan che abang aku. Haha, yang neh later laa aku terangkan.

Sekarang neh aku nak cerita pasal The Guilt that I have been carry around with me.

What happen ? This is what happen.

Before I start working, well, actually its start before I start working. I suddenly don't know what to write when I try to retrace the event. Woah *suddenlyfeltlikeIlosemymemoriesofdecember*

Okayy, we'll start slowly. Ak dah ambik planner aku heh. So, kira boleh laa aku tengok dimana dan bila kejadian kejadian Guilt neh.



The Guilt Accident



28/11/2013. Where everything starts.

Okay, that day, aku, Jusma, Salmah dan Hasmiaty a.k.a Aty, pergi KFC batu 4. Konon mau kerja sana, lagipun c Salmah bekas kerja sana, so its kinda easier kalau kami mau kerja sana ramai ramai ! Okay, I was so damn HAPPY back then. Finally, I can actually talk about KFC matters since I'll be having the same damn experience too. FYI, those three used to work at KFC after SPM, so they kinda always talked about it at school along with Samsuri and Dang, which makes me a little left out since I was working in another side of the world, lol. No, I used to work at some hotel, as waitress, wearing that drop-dead- sexy mini skirt. Not that I proud wearing that, it just that, its a totally different from the world they were working. 

But that's not what makes up this Guilt Accident. What makes The Guilt Accident was because I'm not working with them even though we've promised to work there together. Heck, I've been carrying this little feeling for like since foreveeer. During walking. during working, err, like everytime I have the time to be thinking about them, this feeling emerged. 

On 28 November 2013, the four of us went to KFC, but since the manager was not around, we were told to came again later on Saturday, which was on 30th of November. So again, we went there on 30th, and met with Shafiq, err no, I mean Taufiq. So, all of us were interviewed by him. The three of them got the cashier position and I got lobby (the one who do the cleaning stuff).

I absolutely have no problem being work in Lobby. Heck I was so damn HAPPY that I finally can work with them all together, just like how Salmah had wished. I wanted to work with them. Forget work, I think I want to live my life forever with them. GROWING UP TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING.

But, sometimes unexpected things happen. LOL. During the interview, that Taufiq guy was like so annoying. Okay, I know that his personality because I was told so, but I saw hesitation when he about to make up his decision about me working there. He was like gonna tick the KIV box but then he desperately tick the Accepted box. That's annoy me a lot. Screw a lot, I think I want to go rampage and hit him back then.

Then, after we finished all our papers (STPM papers) , idk when, I somehow forgot what happens in December, all four of us go to the town council and do the Yellow Card a.k.a Kad Kesihatan, then went for the KWSP thing and sort of stuff. They already went shopping for shoes and everything but I still in wondering whether it's fine if I work there. 

When they busy doing preparation for KFC, I'm busy doing some Job Hunting, which I tell about it later in another post. I know I'm at fault here,  even if I desperately wanted to work there with them, I also desperately didn't want to. Don't ask, I'm still looking for an answer.

I'm really really really really sorry for not be able to work with them. Not just sorry, I felt like my ovaries gonna explode due to the unexpected turn in my life. Regrets ? There's a lot. Guilty ? Heck, I have enough for a lifetime. I still not sure where I did the turn in life that leads me far away from my original plans. 

Lets not lie, KFC was never in my plan, until Salmah suggested it. I was thinking I wanted to work in office, wearing nice clothes which what I'm doing right now. I'm not looking down at KFC or anything, but I just don't have the feelings to work there. Not just because The Taufiq Guy. Like I said, I desperately want to work there but at the same time I desperately didn't want to. I just don't know what my heart wants, not now, not then.

Like I've been saying, I carried a guilt in my heart right now and can't seem to toss it away. Who am I kidding. I wanted to be there with them, but in the same time, I want to have just a little different world from them. I miss them a lot. A lot. I have this selfish thought that they felt betrayed for what I have done. And here I am thinking I AM BETRAYING THEM.This is so damn hurt I think  I lose my eye balls.

Thats it. That what makes this as The Guilt Accident. I want to meet up with them so badly. I wanted to talk with them. I wanted to do all those things we used to do. But sometimes reality bites, truth hurts. We not the riang ria school girl anymore. We are almost twenty already. Still, I am hoping that we can meet up and talk girls talk, almost everything just like back in school which I doubt we can do. 

I really miss the girls. I do. I really really really do. 

Kami semua dah berterabur, satu di Benua Eropah, satu di KL, satu di UPSI, yang selebihnya masih di sini hanya dipisahkan oleh benerapa kilometer tetapi rasa jauh sangat. Aku rasa dekat lgi dengan budak yang tengah kat Eropah tuh berbanding dengan yang ada di sini, di daerah yang sama.

How can we feel so farther apart when we still within hand reach? How can we felt so close when the we are countries and benua apart?


I think that's all for now. If not, I think my ovaries will actually explode.  Maybe, just maybe, I was thinking too much of this. Maybe I was so into this I don't see the big picture. Whatever it is, I really wan to confront with them about the truth. Even if it hurts. Truth is, I just want to see you guys. Ugh, I'm being consumed by this oh-I'm-so-selfish feeling. I am, I guess. But still, I miss you guys. Miss you guys big time !










- Hey Sisters, do you still believe in one another ? If the sky comes falling down, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do -
8:17 PM No comments
Sakam.

Alhamdulillah. Dah selamat tiba di tahun Masihi yang baru.


Tahun lepas sure is a great year ! Graduate, Exams, Parting with friends, found a work, my nenek died. It sure is a great year. Kemarin kena tanya apa New Year resolution aku, trus aku teringat Sir Ng. Kalau masi sekolah neh, mesti dia suru buat esei New Year Resokution. Dan aku akan tiru jawapan c Ivan, kecuali tukar beberapa ayat.


My New Year Resolution for 2014


Hha.

Anyway, memang nak cerita macam macam, but, aku dah start masuk Morning Briefing ! Satu satunya masa untuk ak berjoli joli di opis telah direntap oleh bos kuh ! Oii, aku tak nak masuk briefing bole kaa ? Banyak baa kerja kuh lain :P

But betullah, aku kalau pagi ada low blood pressure then I start overthinking things which makes my face look like Im about to burst to anger. Lol. Dan mak aku suruh ak senyum pagi pagi. Like hell I can smile when I'm like this. Huarghhh ~

But really, I know it's harsh treat every morning to both my sis and mom but heck I just cant smile in the morning! I have to take my daily intake of sugars, like stok coklat aku yg berlambak di opis neh. Wakeke.
Sedangkan di asrama pun kalau pagi, aku jadi Ice Queen, apa lagi di rumah. Waaa ~

Chop !

Setakat tuh, ini saja laa yag aku bole cerita sebab mau masuk meeting suda. 

Ja :)



- There are things in life, even if you want it, you can't have it -

8:27 AM No comments
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About Me


A potato.
Posting uneventful life events since 2013.
Traveler.
writing, drawing and photography is my passion but I suck at it so I just write, draw and took pictures that look like shit

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