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H E A L I N G

posting uneventful events since 2013

Dear Me,

My only wish in this pitiful world is to be love as much as I love the other back. To be able to talk and converse in the same language, to be able to grow together holding hands towards the future, to be able to grow old and look back and reflect on it together. I didn’t dream for a fleeting relationship. I want to have, I want to be with someone who can understand me and I, too will try to understand him.
I want to be with someone who share the same vision as me. The one that can look past my hideous self, my twisted personality and my dark heart.
It is just a wishful thinking but I pray, for whoever going to be my future, please take care of yourself for the both of us. It seems like I’m unable to take care of myself for me.
To mt future self, if you read this again sometime later, remember, that you are worthy of people affection. You may be down right now, as I feel when I write this anecdote for you. I pray that what we feel today will somehow be something pleasant for you to look at. It’s no longer a dark days where you’re brooding over thinga that you dont know.
Hey my future self, take care now. I have been neglecting myself and you will have to carry the consequences now.
Love
Me from the past, 2019
9:36 AM No comments
Spiralling
Confusing
Thinking
It feels like walking in a circle
Walking thinking walking
Looking at the corner of this endless spiral of thoughts
Pretending that at every corner I will find the answer I’m looking for
Is this loneliness
Is this depression
Is this just an old habit of engulfing myself into a complicated things that I shouldn’t bother myself with?
Is this anxiety?
Sprouted from the loneliness and the time I’ve spent alone
Looking ahead trying to find the right way
I just keep meeting bumping the same corner of the endless circle that spiraling through everything
I walked and walked and ran and walked
inside the never ending circle
Looking ahead to find it
But then again as I look back
To the darkness behind me
I asked myself
What is it that I’m desperately trying to look for?
What exactly I’m running towards to?
What exactly I’m trying to look for?
Then everything stopped
The ticking time
The adrenaline
The echoing sound my feet makes
The sound of my own heartbeat
Thr trickling sweat behind me on my forehead
everything comes to a still.
This is me now
Transported from the endless spiralling circle
into an unfamiliar box surrounded by darkness
the invisible wall that seems to trap me
The echo of my voice that seems to shout back at me
The endless darkness beyond my eyes
The feeling of lost that suddenly so real
shrieking into my ears with the hollow sound of the blowing wind
the entrapment
everything
———

The box that I fell into has gone
The darkness that making me insane has gone
I looked at my surrounding and feel at peace
I looked at my blackened feet
My hands that doesn’t feel mine
The blackness
The darkness that was once so foreign is already engulfing me
Slowly and steadily
The darkness keep protruding my skin
I am one with the dark
Maybe it was my fault
In the midst of trying to understand the darkness
I never even once trying to get myself out
I never fight them
All I can think is how the foreign little world I fall into can be much more comfortable compared to the spiraling circle with no end
Not realizing I just fall into another world where everything has no end
Not the spiraling circle
Not the darkness
——
Is it fair to blame the darkness that surrounds me when the blackness from my heart is the same as what was surrounding me?
9:34 AM No comments
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About Me


A potato.
Posting uneventful life events since 2013.
Traveler.
writing, drawing and photography is my passion but I suck at it so I just write, draw and took pictures that look like shit

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