Spiralling
Confusing
Thinking
It feels like walking in a circle
Walking thinking walking
Looking at the corner of this endless spiral of thoughts
Pretending that at every corner I will find the answer I’m looking for
Is this loneliness
Is this depression
Is this just an old habit of engulfing myself into a complicated things that I shouldn’t bother myself with?
Is this anxiety?
Sprouted from the loneliness and the time I’ve spent alone
Looking ahead trying to find the right way
I just keep meeting bumping the same corner of the endless circle that spiraling through everything
I walked and walked and ran and walked
inside the never ending circle
Looking ahead to find it
But then again as I look back
To the darkness behind me
I asked myself
What is it that I’m desperately trying to look for?
What exactly I’m running towards to?
What exactly I’m trying to look for?
Then everything stopped
The ticking time
The adrenaline
The echoing sound my feet makes
The sound of my own heartbeat
Thr trickling sweat behind me on my forehead
everything comes to a still.
This is me now
Transported from the endless spiralling circle
into an unfamiliar box surrounded by darkness
the invisible wall that seems to trap me
The echo of my voice that seems to shout back at me
The endless darkness beyond my eyes
The feeling of lost that suddenly so real
shrieking into my ears with the hollow sound of the blowing wind
the entrapment
everything
———

The box that I fell into has gone
The darkness that making me insane has gone
I looked at my surrounding and feel at peace
I looked at my blackened feet
My hands that doesn’t feel mine
The blackness
The darkness that was once so foreign is already engulfing me
Slowly and steadily
The darkness keep protruding my skin
I am one with the dark
Maybe it was my fault
In the midst of trying to understand the darkness
I never even once trying to get myself out
I never fight them
All I can think is how the foreign little world I fall into can be much more comfortable compared to the spiraling circle with no end
Not realizing I just fall into another world where everything has no end
Not the spiraling circle
Not the darkness
——
Is it fair to blame the darkness that surrounds me when the blackness from my heart is the same as what was surrounding me?