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H E A L I N G

posting uneventful events since 2013

14/4/19

Asalamualaikum semua. Semalam aku pergi sesi kaunseling. Ahad depan ada sesi hypnosis, untuk trace balik trauma. Kalau lepas sesi, dia cakap kena pergi dr, baru ada surat referral to psychiatrist. Kalau dia rasa boleh treat dgn kaunseling, just go on dgn sesi kaunseling sahjo. Tolong jangan tanya aku kenapa, kenapa nda share sebab aku pun nda tau kenapa. Aku pun nda tau mau share apa. Jangan terus call aku jugak, aku kerja skrg. Nda mau emosi skrg, banyak mau setel. Aku bagitau ni sebab aku nda mau simpan health record ni sendiri.
It hurts me not be able to send it over to you guys about my health condition. I can mever explain why I am feeling this way. I don’t know if I blame you guys for being the source of this unidentifiable feelings. It hurts me knowing that you guys probably will never know about this side of me. I also knew that it wouldn’t be a shock to you guys that I have illness.

// tracing back to the day when I finally decided that I should get help.
9:22 AM No comments
// to my dearest Farhana, Part II

I can still remember the emptiness
I can still feel the darkness that crept upon me
The condescending feeling
As if I had committed a crime
As if I had hurt you
What have I done?
What did I say?
Why did you push me away so hard?
Where did I go wrong?
After two years, does everything that ever happend between us is just something that forgettable? I tried to seal the hurt. Every damn time I tried, the wound keep bleeding and I can’t take it anymore. Have you ever think of what i feel in the moments where you acts so cruel? We live in the same house, breath the same air, went to the same place. Yet we were estranged.
How did this happen? Why? What did I do to you? What did I say? Am i not a good friend? Why can’t you tell me? Why are you avoiding me? Is it because you have depression? Is it because you’re sick? Why why why did you do this to me
The pain is so unbearable
The pain is so suffocating
The more i try to forget
The more the memories of lying there in the dark, waiting for some enlightenment to come
and convince me to move on
The more the pain comes
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you
I’m sorry if I weren’t there when you need me
I’m sorry if I ever make you sad
I’m sorry if I’m not who you thought I am
I wish you happiness as I always do.
9:17 AM No comments
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About Me


A potato.
Posting uneventful life events since 2013.
Traveler.
writing, drawing and photography is my passion but I suck at it so I just write, draw and took pictures that look like shit

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