// to my dearest Farhana, Part II

I can still remember the emptiness
I can still feel the darkness that crept upon me
The condescending feeling
As if I had committed a crime
As if I had hurt you
What have I done?
What did I say?
Why did you push me away so hard?
Where did I go wrong?
After two years, does everything that ever happend between us is just something that forgettable? I tried to seal the hurt. Every damn time I tried, the wound keep bleeding and I can’t take it anymore. Have you ever think of what i feel in the moments where you acts so cruel? We live in the same house, breath the same air, went to the same place. Yet we were estranged.
How did this happen? Why? What did I do to you? What did I say? Am i not a good friend? Why can’t you tell me? Why are you avoiding me? Is it because you have depression? Is it because you’re sick? Why why why did you do this to me
The pain is so unbearable
The pain is so suffocating
The more i try to forget
The more the memories of lying there in the dark, waiting for some enlightenment to come
and convince me to move on
The more the pain comes
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you
I’m sorry if I weren’t there when you need me
I’m sorry if I ever make you sad
I’m sorry if I’m not who you thought I am
I wish you happiness as I always do.