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The Guilt.
Salam.
Alhamdulillah, cuaca sini sangat daebakk ! HUJAN weii ~ My favourite weather like forever ! Well, sunny day is cute but rainy day is awesome !
Sebenarnya baru balik dari belanja dengan che abang aku. Haha, yang neh later laa aku terangkan.
Sekarang neh aku nak cerita pasal The Guilt that I have been carry around with me.
What happen ? This is what happen.
Before I start working, well, actually its start before I start working. I suddenly don't know what to write when I try to retrace the event. Woah *suddenlyfeltlikeIlosemymemoriesofdecember*
Okayy, we'll start slowly. Ak dah ambik planner aku heh. So, kira boleh laa aku tengok dimana dan bila kejadian kejadian Guilt neh.
The Guilt Accident
28/11/2013. Where everything starts.
Okay, that day, aku, Jusma, Salmah dan Hasmiaty a.k.a Aty, pergi KFC batu 4. Konon mau kerja sana, lagipun c Salmah bekas kerja sana, so its kinda easier kalau kami mau kerja sana ramai ramai ! Okay, I was so damn HAPPY back then. Finally, I can actually talk about KFC matters since I'll be having the same damn experience too. FYI, those three used to work at KFC after SPM, so they kinda always talked about it at school along with Samsuri and Dang, which makes me a little left out since I was working in another side of the world, lol. No, I used to work at some hotel, as waitress, wearing that drop-dead- sexy mini skirt. Not that I proud wearing that, it just that, its a totally different from the world they were working.
But that's not what makes up this Guilt Accident. What makes The Guilt Accident was because I'm not working with them even though we've promised to work there together. Heck, I've been carrying this little feeling for like since foreveeer. During walking. during working, err, like everytime I have the time to be thinking about them, this feeling emerged.
On 28 November 2013, the four of us went to KFC, but since the manager was not around, we were told to came again later on Saturday, which was on 30th of November. So again, we went there on 30th, and met with Shafiq, err no, I mean Taufiq. So, all of us were interviewed by him. The three of them got the cashier position and I got lobby (the one who do the cleaning stuff).
I absolutely have no problem being work in Lobby. Heck I was so damn HAPPY that I finally can work with them all together, just like how Salmah had wished. I wanted to work with them. Forget work, I think I want to live my life forever with them. GROWING UP TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING.
But, sometimes unexpected things happen. LOL. During the interview, that Taufiq guy was like so annoying. Okay, I know that his personality because I was told so, but I saw hesitation when he about to make up his decision about me working there. He was like gonna tick the KIV box but then he desperately tick the Accepted box. That's annoy me a lot. Screw a lot, I think I want to go rampage and hit him back then.
Then, after we finished all our papers (STPM papers) , idk when, I somehow forgot what happens in December, all four of us go to the town council and do the Yellow Card a.k.a Kad Kesihatan, then went for the KWSP thing and sort of stuff. They already went shopping for shoes and everything but I still in wondering whether it's fine if I work there.
When they busy doing preparation for KFC, I'm busy doing some Job Hunting, which I tell about it later in another post. I know I'm at fault here, even if I desperately wanted to work there with them, I also desperately didn't want to. Don't ask, I'm still looking for an answer.
I'm really really really really sorry for not be able to work with them. Not just sorry, I felt like my ovaries gonna explode due to the unexpected turn in my life. Regrets ? There's a lot. Guilty ? Heck, I have enough for a lifetime. I still not sure where I did the turn in life that leads me far away from my original plans.
Lets not lie, KFC was never in my plan, until Salmah suggested it. I was thinking I wanted to work in office, wearing nice clothes which what I'm doing right now. I'm not looking down at KFC or anything, but I just don't have the feelings to work there. Not just because The Taufiq Guy. Like I said, I desperately want to work there but at the same time I desperately didn't want to. I just don't know what my heart wants, not now, not then.
Like I've been saying, I carried a guilt in my heart right now and can't seem to toss it away. Who am I kidding. I wanted to be there with them, but in the same time, I want to have just a little different world from them. I miss them a lot. A lot. I have this selfish thought that they felt betrayed for what I have done. And here I am thinking I AM BETRAYING THEM.This is so damn hurt I think I lose my eye balls.
Thats it. That what makes this as The Guilt Accident. I want to meet up with them so badly. I wanted to talk with them. I wanted to do all those things we used to do. But sometimes reality bites, truth hurts. We not the riang ria school girl anymore. We are almost twenty already. Still, I am hoping that we can meet up and talk girls talk, almost everything just like back in school which I doubt we can do.
I really miss the girls. I do. I really really really do.
Kami semua dah berterabur, satu di Benua Eropah, satu di KL, satu di UPSI, yang selebihnya masih di sini hanya dipisahkan oleh benerapa kilometer tetapi rasa jauh sangat. Aku rasa dekat lgi dengan budak yang tengah kat Eropah tuh berbanding dengan yang ada di sini, di daerah yang sama.
How can we feel so farther apart when we still within hand reach? How can we felt so close when the we are countries and benua apart?
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I think that's all for now. If not, I think my ovaries will actually explode. Maybe, just maybe, I was thinking too much of this. Maybe I was so into this I don't see the big picture. Whatever it is, I really wan to confront with them about the truth. Even if it hurts. Truth is, I just want to see you guys. Ugh, I'm being consumed by this oh-I'm-so-selfish feeling. I am, I guess. But still, I miss you guys. Miss you guys big time !
- Hey Sisters, do you still believe in one another ? If the sky comes falling down, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do -
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