I always wondered. Who went through most pain? The one who left or the one who left behind?

Truth is. I don't know.

I start asking this question after my parents divorced. I wonder which one of them feel more pain, more lonely after the divorce. After two years being a divorcee, my mother married  my step father. So I guess the one who are really in pain, is the one who were left behind, which in this case is my father. My parent's conflicts started by my father, so when my mother decided that she had enough of his bullshit, she ask for a divorce which in this case makes my mother as the one who left.

I start asking myself the same question again when I broke up with Ghost. I wonder who feel more pain after the break up? Is it me? or is it him? I wouldn't call it a break up though. He's already in a relationship and he was cheating. Did I left him or is it that he was the one who left me? Both of us have our shares of pain after I ended our relationship. Still, I wonder who feel more pain.

The question "Which one goes through so much pain and loneliness, the one who left or the one who left behind?" is something that I always had in my mind whenever there's a news or gossips of someone breaking up/divorced. It's a question that always let me fall into deep conversations with myself.

Why do I decided to write this down?

Because this morning, my mind drift to someone I hold dear, Farhana. I haven't been able to comprehend what exactly has happened between us and what triggered her to do what she did. In this case, she was the one who left and I was the one who were left behind. The pain was destructive, depressing and I lost half of my sanity when the it happens.

Reasons? I stop asking for reasons already. What will happen will bound to happen, so she leaving me is something that will happen no matter what I did. For one and half years, I was haunted and depressed about it. It will be another story to tell, isn't it.

The one who went through most pain and loneliness, is always the one who were left behind. Maybe because they are not ready to leave, or maybe it was just to hard to leave so they decided to stay. In the end, they were left behind with massive pain and loneliness.