Slowly, and one day all at once.

This post is written in my sketch book on 3rd of July 2017, after isya' when I finally can accept the fact that he really is gone. I posted this on 24th March 2018, but changed the date to fit the post.

3rd July 2017. 

Goodbye my friend,
May Allah grant us Jannah.

Dear Jai,

I honestly will miss you. I will miss the time I wrote your name and your matric card number on our lab report, assignments front page. I will miss your teasing badly and definitely will miss our funny debacle on who's funnier.

Aku doakan kau, aman di sana Jai. Aku harap you have fulfilling life. Kau dah buat banyak benda cool dalam hidup kau. Aku harap semua impian kau tercapai. Jai, sem depan kau dah takde. Sapa nak kawan dengan aku dan kojek?

Terima kasih Jai, sebab pernah ada dalam hidup aku. Aku tahu aku tak patut sedih macamni. Aku tahu aku tak patut nangis macam ni sebab kau dah meninggal. Tapi, entah kenapa aku meratapi kau harini. Hari kau pergi tinggalkan dunia Jai. Kita tak rapat mana pun, tapi selepas Kojek, you are special for me. One of few friends that I loved with all my heart. Aku anggap kau kawan baik.

Aku menyesal tak tanya kau sakit apa walaupun aku nampak gambar kau kat insta kau mmg dah macam sakit. I didn't know that was shadow of the death that were looming.Tapi no matter how much penyesalan I had, it won't change the fact that you no longer here in this dunya. You have embark your journey to the hereafter. Dalam seminggu dua, aku akan hidup macam biasa. Kesedian in akan surut, jadi hari ini Jai, aku akan menulis. Aku menulis untuk kau sebagai tanda meratapi dan menghargai.

Terima kasih Jai. Kau dah bagi aku moment yang indah dalam hidup aku sebagai seorang pelajar universiti. Aku doakan kau tenang di sana.

Good night bruh.

I thought the sadness will be gone after a week or two. but after 9 months, I still cry when I remember you (March 2018)